However, our social media feeds and minds could never have imagined that Pepsi and milk would unite to create the pilk phenomenon. The masterminds behind Pepsi recently took credit for the inception of this combination in an advertisement released on Twitter.
The now-trending video features none other than a true American icon as its new holiday partner: Lindsay Lohan. Clad in her best “Mean Girls” Santa costume, she pours a fizzy Pepsi and tops the glass with cold milk as she comments, “that is one dirty soda.” And while mixing soda and dairy is not totally off-the-beaten-path (especially if you have tried a Utah soda or a root beer float), it gave us a taste of Christmas cringe.
In a press release with PR Newswire, a spokesperson explained that they thought, “Pilk and Cookies would be a great way to unapologetically celebrate the holidays.” Even Lindsay Lohan said in a statement that she was initially skeptical of the combination but still wanted to spread the Pepsi Christmas spirit to everyone. Since it’s borderline heinous and bizarre as a concept, it naturally became instantly viral on TikTok. And as the trend-setting journalists that we are, we decided to debunk this duo and determine whether it was another vile fad or your next cup of holiday cheer.
Of course, we must step on our soap box to proclaim that these nutrition facts are strictly informational and in no way supposed to make you feel guilty for indulging in this possibly rancid concoction. That being said, you won’t be seeing this new holiday drink next to the pressed juices at your local Erewhon Market or Whole Foods.
While drinking a cold Pepsi can nurture the mind and soul, we now know that drinking sugary drinks in excess can lead to health problems down the line, including heart and kidney disease, tooth decay, and liver disease (via Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Milk, on the other hand, is chock-full of calcium and protein to promote bone health, as well as various vitamins and minerals that make it a good addition to your daily diet (via WebMD). Honestly, if your body can handle daily doses of Pepsi-laced milk, you should receive a medal for having the strongest stomach.
Pepsi’s expansive list of flavors includes many options that we didn’t know we wanted or even needed. In the past, there’s been Pepsi Mango — a concoction that we are sure is more saliva-sucking than pilk could ever be. There are also combinations with the same amount of savoriness and full-bodied mouth feel as Pepsi milk, such as the recently released s’mores-inspired lineup (via PR Newswire). When paired with eggnog though, the drink had a certain spiciness reminiscent of Pepsi Nutmeg.
Now, we don’t see Pepsi milk becoming as wildly popular as the now-forgotten Pepsi Holiday Spice, since it’s sure to transcend into the forgotten viral void (via Eater). However, in terms of holiday-inspired soft drink creations, pilk can’t top the fruitiness and confusing deliciousness of Mountain Dew’s Holiday Fruit Quake. If you don’t feel like potentially ruining your family holiday dinner with Pepsi milk taste tests (that’s our job), it’s best to stick with a classic mulled wine, or heavily-spiked eggnog to get you through the holiday season.
Our first carbonated dairy creation was none other than a classic pilk the way Lindsay Lohan would have wanted it — plain Pepsi with 2% milk. When the ingredients were initially mixed, the drink had a curdled appearance similar to an unfinished Irish Car Bomb shot. It didn’t improve when the milk was frothed, as it became a foul-looking latte with chunks of milk. One taste tester had to compose herself amidst dry heaves before continuing with the experiment.
However, it’s funny how much it pains us to say that we liked it and even wanted a few more sips. It wasn’t drinkable to the point that we chugged the contents of the glass, but it was pleasantly palatable. The milk flavor was more noticeable than the Pepsi, almost as if the combination was an accident. The sweetness from the Pepsi paired nicely with the milk, much like a Utah dirty soda which consists of coffee creamer and flavored syrup add-ins. Ultimately, it tasted exactly like what you think Pepsi and milk would taste, but slightly better. So far, the tastings were off to a surprisingly great start (insert foreboding foreshadowing).
There was no major difference between Pepsi with fat-free or 2% milk, but we did make the unfortunate decision of combining Pepsi with milk and chocolate syrup. The smell of sour milk mixed with burnt chocolate was a good indicator of the crime this drink would commit on our taste buds.
One taste tester expelled the chocolate pilk into the sink dramatically, creating an unforgettable stain commemorating the experience. Another exclaimed that it was the single worst thing they had ever tasted, with rancid pork and urine coming second and third on their list. Another taste tester had to be bribed with eternal love and gulps of Champagne in order to continue with the experiment.
However, the worst part was the way the taste lingered on the tongue, thick and omnipotent like cheap melted chocolate. It took minutes to get the taste of it out of our mouths … to the point where a bottle of tequila was almost chosen as a suitable chaser for whatever science experiment we had just ingested. It’s hard to describe it in suitable words, which just means you’ll have to be brave and try it yourself.
After we composed ourselves both physically and mentally, we moved on to soy pilk. We couldn’t let the plant-based babes miss out on this trend. We used partially-sweetened vanilla soy milk so it didn’t taste too much like liquefied tofu. Since there were vocal plant-based milk haters in the group, the hesitation was evident, especially after the horror our stomachs endured with the chocolate pilk.
The curdling effect when mixing Pepsi with soy milk was surprisingly better and less nauseating to look at. The nose was sweeter than the last two options, thanks to the magic of sweetened soy milk. We paused and hoped for the best as we took a tiny sip with trepidation. Surprisingly, we loved it — especially the cow milk purists of the testing group. It was both creamy and light, sweet but not too sweet, and the right balance of Pepsi and vanilla.
The soy milk didn’t add the same milky flavor as the dairy options, just a sweetness that made it taste similar to a Nitro Pepsi Vanilla. If you frothed it up, you would have a delicious latte-style drink ready to go. Carnivores and vegetarians rejoiced equally, coming to the consensus that soy pilk was the superior choice … or was it?
Let us preface this by saying that we are by no means eggnog lovers. This may be a controversial opinion, but there are better solutions if you want to imbibe during the holidays. However, for the sake of our loyal readers, we took the plunge and tasted the last pilk combination — Pepsi and eggnog. The key to this pairing is to choose quality eggnog from local farmers that use the finest nutmeg and cinnamon-infused cows. We bought ours from an Amish store in a rural town, so we had a superior foundation.
The aesthetics of this drink were spot-on and creamy, unlike the test tube matter we saw with the last few pilks. There were no scary floaties swimming around, just a perfectly smooth texture that can only be described as nothing short of divine. It felt like a true moment of planets perfectly aligning; two average beverages combined to create one deliciously caffeinated cup of cheer.
It was spicy and sweet without the mouth-coating texture and milk aftertaste, infused with just the right amount of vanilla. It also didn’t feel too carbonated, unlike the past combinations, thanks to the rich eggnog enveloping the fizzy Pepsi. It was so good, it made us question if this reality was nothing more than a “Rick and Morty” episode sponsored by the executives at Pepsi.
Even though we will never get those 20 minutes added back to our lives, this Pepsi milk experiment was like a fever dream that we never wanted to end. Do we think this Pepsi milk duo will become the next big thing to rock the holiday season? No. Do we think Lindsay Lohan is getting paid an aggressive amount of money to tell Twitter that she wants to spread the good word of pilk to the world? Absolutely. However, soon enough this pilk trend will get filed away as just another weird and viral food trend. Even though pilk will fade away, the phenomenon of milk and Pepsi will still live on in our hearts and stomach linings.
At the top of the pyramid, the Pepsi and eggnog mashup came in hard and heavy as a delicious holiday option that tastes exactly like a nostalgic root beer float. Coming in second place, soy pilk is a standout vegan option that both carnivores and plant-based baddies can appreciate. Even though regular pilk was lackluster, chocolate pilk will forever live in infamy as an uncontrollable dumpster fire. Dishonorable mention goes to cherry-flavored pilk, which was so vile, we couldn’t dedicate even 150 words to it. That being said, much like the holiday season itself, the magic of pilk isn’t in the drink itself but in the experience of drinking it … and of course the trash-talking that ensues.
